Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Emerging From The Illness: Pepper's Beautiful Health Journey

"This year-long experiment of mine, I think, points to an important set of lessons. First: self-experimentation works, but, god damn, it can really take a long time. There is a reason something is going wrong in our bodies, and it takes all kinds of information and tests and experiments to figure it out. We shouldn’t ever give up on them. Why settle for poor health when an answer is lying right inside of us? We have to be patient. We have to give ourselves time to find the answers. And we have to be prepared to deal with the medical establishment and to turn to them for help, in addition to accepting the fact that some of our prognoses might not be the happiest endings. But nothing happens without cause (ignoring Hume), and we really can work out the answers in good time.

Another important take-away is this: our bodies require time. After going paleo, and after graduating from university, it took about six months for my hair to stop falling out. After losing thirty pounds about a year and a half ago, it has taken me about a year and a half to figure out the best (or a decent) way to eat to be both satisfied and healthy. After losing a lot of muscle mass in that time period, it took me about six months to achieve simultaneous leanness and muscularity. After removing all dairy save butter from my diet, it took three months for me to see a difference, and after removing butter and including a lot of good vitamins, I imagine it’ll be another six months before my scar tissue fades and my skin normalizes."

"Today I am acne-free (ish), happy with my body and it’s performance, feeling healthy, and, moreover, eating in a satisfying manner. I have learned, through years of trial and error, and bingeing and self-loathing and forgiveness and love and hate and so many other emotions, a pattern of eating that works for my body and that works for me. I have a lot to say about disordered eating, if you haven’t already been able to tell, but I have recently let it fade from my mind. There is a feedback loop at play here, and honestly I don’t know which way it runs. I think (and blog!) about food less, and I obsess about food less, and I eat food less. Along with my physical problems, the mental ones are fading, as well.

I had originally thought that, in place of my old obsessions, I would continue to fabricate and obsess over 'new' problems. But that’s actually not happening. In the place of my obsessions is descending a blank, peaceful space in my mind. It is as though I am, every day, walking into a large room with vaulted ceilings and high, arching windows, and it is quiet. What do I think about? What do I do? Why is it bright and breezy in here, instead of dank and dreadful? Why do I feel at peace, and why are there no demons sitting on my shoulders? This is a very new feeling for me. I have talked about mental freedom before on this blog, and certainly I discovered more mental freedom once I went paleo, but this is something new entirely. I don’t have anything pulling at me. I don’t hate myself in any way. Before, I loved myself in all ways but one. Now I love myself (not unconditionally) in all the ways that matter. I don’t have anything to dwell on. No foods, no men, no women, no social pains, no future worries… well, I worry about my stocks… but the point is: with little pressure in my life, both external and internal, I can breathe more deeply than I have in many years."

Pepper's Entire Insightful Blog Post:  http://paleopepper.com/2011/06/shocking-and-liberating-developments/

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